Peace, one and all…
There have recently been a spate of posts touching on issues relating to what we might call gender issues and Muslims. Specifically, Sunni Sister and Aaminah have both written recently on the topic of ‘honour’ killings, and what we can do – individually and collectively – to combat such things. That is, rather than just (rightly) condemning such actions as ‘unislamic’ (which of course they are) and leaving it at that, both writers have asked the fundamental question: what can I do?
This is an important question, and one which each and every human being must ask themselves – what have I done to make the world a better place? What have I done to address things I know to be wrong? I don’t have all of the answers. Indeed, I don’t even have many of the right questions. But that does not absolve me from striving to act on what I do know.
So, then, what can I do?
Firstly, it strikes me that before I open my mouth I must open my ears. I must listen.
It is right and proper that, as Muslims and human beings, we struggle to hear each and every voice. Moreover, we must let everyone speak their own truths, without attempting to place our own interpretive frameworks on them. It seems to me that adab/futuwwah is about letting the other speak, as themselves and for themselves. This is where I stand on a whole range of issues. This is my take on gender and race issues, as well as on issues of disability/ableism and the like: let each person express their truth openly and without fear. I may not agree, but I can promise to try as hard as I can to listen and to not force my own understandings upon others. This is the place from which I seek justice for all - without regard to race, colour, creed, status – simply with regard to our common humanity, our common right to free expresson.
Secondly, I must strive to understand and practice the truth that my ‘honour’ as a man has nothing whatsoever to do with how others act, nor with what they say, nor yet with how they are. Honour, it seems to me, is a quality of the soul. It is an inward graciousness that seeks to aid, to listen and where appropriate, to protect. In other words, I must strive to become a fully Muslim man – one who shelters those in his care, who guides and protects where he can, and who asks God for aid where he cannot. I wish to become that man, that I might aid others – and accept aid in my turn.
Thirdly, I can teach my children these truths so that they too can learn to embody them. I must strive to teach my handsome son that his strength has been given to him only so that he might aid those in need. I must strive to teach my two beautiful daughters that are individuals in their own right – they are not responsible for carrying the burden of our family ‘honour’, nor indeed of anyone else’s.
Related posts:
- Mr Moo: The Art and Science of Manliness
- Aaminah: What Will I Do Today?
- Sunni Sister: What Can I Do?
- Yahya Birt: Being a Real Man
- The Fatherhood Institute and al-Nisa Society: ‘In Conversation With Muslim Dads’
- Update: Muslimah Media Watch: Sexuality & Women’s Honour: There Isn’t A Link
Ma’as salama,
Abdur Rahman
