Looking Towards the Deep End

Peace, one and all…

I have always enjoyed swimming, though my busy life does not leave me with as much opportunity to swim as I probably need or would like.  Although I have always enjoyed the feeling of being immersed in water, when I was younger I was always afraid to look towards the deep end of the pool whilst underwater.  It just seemed so vast that I felt as though I was in danger of losing myself in its seeming infinitude.  I would take a quick, furtive look and then rise swiftly to the surface, as though I needed the surface of the pool to remind me of who I was once again.

I used to get the same feeling whenever I looked up into the heavens.  Although I have always loved the stars, a part of me felt utterly overwhelmed by (and not a little afraid of) the sheer magnitude of space.  I felt so conscious of my own utter insignificance that my very sense of individuality seemed in some way compromised.  These verses in the Quran encapsulate much of what I used to feel:

‘Who created the seven heavens one above another; you see no incongruity in the creation of the Beneficent Allah; then look again, can you see any disorder?  Then turn back the eye again and again; your look shall ‘~ come back to you confused while it is fatigued’ (Surah al-Mulk 67:3-4, trans. Shakir)

Since falling over the threshold (quite literally in my case), I have at last realised that the vastness of water, and the magnitude of space, are no longer things to be feared.  I guess I have accepted my own insignificance, on some inward level.  I now realise that the ways in which I used to define myself as an individual do not, in truth, mark out anything like the real extent of a human being.  That is, I used to define myself in very narrow terms.  I now see that there is far more to being human than I had ever imagined, and beyond the last boundary of my humanity lies the vastness of the universe itself.

Perhaps what I’m really trying to say is that I am a world in my own right, floating in a universe that, in itself, is naught but a small pebble in the Beloved’s open hand.  So why then should I fear looking towards the deep end?  Why should a grain of sand fear the tender caress of the Deep Sea?  Aren’t all things stirred by God and doesn’t the Sea return with each new tide to this hither shore?

Ma’as salama,
Abdur Rahman

Knocking Nails into a Fence

Peace, one and all…

I spent this morning sitting in my father-in-law’s garden, reading and watching my children playing in the sunshine. Ma sha Allah! It has been a very hot weekend. Once again, I have forgotten to put suntan lotion on – which means that I’ll probably be as red as a beetroot tomorrow! Moreover, I don’t have much hair on the top of my head and so, I tend to forget that the sun beats down directly on it! Allah!

I spent the early afternoon helping my father-in-law repair some fencing in the back garden. Easy enough work and very enjoyable in the sunshine. It struck me, as we were working away, just to what extent relationships are made up of small moments spent together doing little except being in each other’s company. This is how we get to know others, and how they get to know us; not in emotional rollercoaster rides, but in the small and slow work of years spent together.

The more I think about this, the more I realise that this is how our relationships with God grow and develop. Although there are times of great movement, when veils fall away for a moment and when real advances are made, on the whole our relationship with the Divine grows as we strive simply to spend time with God, to simply be in Hu’s presence.

So, as my father-in-law and I were knocking nails into a fence, we were really knocking nails into our joint relationship. We were also knocking nails into our relationships with God.

Praise be to God for the blessing of nails!

Ma’as salama,

Abdur Rahman

Man Kunto Maula

Peace, one and all…

Thanks to the excellent Sufi Music blog I’ve recently been introduced to Jafar Hussein Khan Badayuni. May Allah bless those responsible for this beautiful blog.  So, as a means of saying thank you, here is a two part version of Man Kunto Maula sung by the man himself.

Part 1

Part 2

Ma’as salama,
Abdur Rahman